If you have been near a computer recently, do not let that mish-mash of female singers fool you. No, I’m not referring to Taylor Swift’s cameo-laden Bad Blood music video. For those who grew up in the 80s, I’m referring to the rather undramatic, unglamorous and unexciting trailer for Jem and the Holograms, the upcoming flick by director Jon M. Chu, of G.I. Joe: Retaliation fame.

In case you’ve blocked out any memories you’ve had of seeing the trailer, here’s a quick refresher for you.

I know. I could not believe it either and don’t worry, you are not alone. When news broke that Hollywood was keen on taking an amazing Saturday morning cartoon and turning it into an extremely upbeat movie with stunning effects and wild, fun music, many of us were hoping this would be that this would be another Charlie’s Angels.

Instead, we have something that makes Michael Bay’s Transformers look like faithful adaptations.   There are many, many things that make this trailer a downer, and here are the top five reasons why it made me cry.

 

1. Where are the bright, bold dashing outfits?

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THIS is Jem and the Holograms – Lady Gaga step aside.

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Hey Nicki Minaj-wannabe, this, is not.

Girls, slapping on some eyeshadow is not enough to turn you into the edgy pop princesses the world wants and needs. The outfits are outrageous all right. Outrageously boo-ring. Where is the pizzazz? The glamour? The bright, blinding colours?  It’s so sad that the girls have none of that, especially in a day and age where Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry routinely throw amazing stage shows and concerts that embody everything Jem and the Holograms should be – a band that is truly outrageous.

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Also that breakthrough song? So not the drama.

 

2. Where are the Misfits?

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Long time rivals, plot drivers and conveniences for our favourite high-energy pop princesses, the Misfits are nowhere to be seen in the trailer. Perhaps they’ve been reserved as a surprise for the movie and I can see how that could become a really awesome battle of the bands scene for the movie. But given how Jem and the Holograms look, let’s not kid ourselves. Imagine a Transformers movie without the Decepticons. G.I. Joe. without Cobra. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles without Shredder. The Smurfs without Gargamel. Sleeping Beauty without Maleficient… you get the picture.

 

3. Tired old story line

Though the 80s cartoon sometimes lacked any sense of episodic coherency and certainly had its own moments that made me go “huh?”, Jem and the Holograms were so much more than your basic rags-to-riches story. Plus, the whole thing with the makeover is just plain wrong. Jem wasn’t glam because she was told to be glam; she was glam because she’s a freaking sci-fi musical superhero! Who decided to turn this into Josie and the Pussycats 2?

 

4. Absolutely no SYNERGY!

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Without Synergy, there is no Jem and the Holograms. ‘Nuff said. Synergy is a sophisticated holographic computer designed to be the ultimate audio/visual entertainment synthesizer that is both mentor and friend to Jem and the Holograms – think Oracle for the Birds of Prey. Movie Jem DID hint at something or one called Synergy in the trailer, I don’t think much of it yet, but who knows.

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5. Even William Shatner is disappointed

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When even William Shatner points out your misses, you know you’re doing something wrong. Though at this point in the World Wide Web, it seems everyone and their mama is hating on the trailer.

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In a recent interview with Comic Book Resources, actress Stefanie Scott (Kimber) said “You can’t put the whole movie in the trailer […] it’s a heart-warming story. It’s a beautiful coming-of-age story about family, but the music is incredible and it’s really our rise to fame and then after that … I think it really needed to set up the story before we could get into everything.”

Hello. That’s what trailers are for, to sell audiences a level of expectations. When a star has to buffer that expectation or try to explain it by saying the trailer doesn’t show something, that’s the part where you really have to leave the stage.

Perhaps she was hinting that there’s a whole lot more to the movie that we don’t see, but personally I don’t have much high hopes for whatever’s left.

Feeling the outrage yet? Have a little 80s goodness to make it go away.

Agree, disagree? Got something to say about the trailer or this article? Tell us below!


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Victoria

Victoria

Victoria is a consummate dragon trainer fueled by ice cream and cake. A huge cartoon, tokusatsu, bronze and modern age comics fan, she aims to one day use her cosplay skills to become a spy like Sydney Bistrow.