For those of you who have only had some a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, here’s your only hope.
Geeky Sex Toys in Brisbane, Australia, has launched a series of Star Wars inspired sex toys that put new meaning to the phrase, Use The Force.
Guys, if you’ve ever wanted to know how it feels like to be encased in carbonite, the aptly named Hand Solo fleshlight might release some tension.
And to show once and for all that size matters not, there’s the green Dildoda that looks like it wants to be modelled after The Hulk, but is actually based on an 900-year-old master of the Force. Judge me by my size, do you?
Come on. He did tell everyone to train yourself to let go of everything.
For those looking at not stretching out that much, there’s the R2-V2, and the Laser Sword Dildo.
Wait, who’s missing? Why, it’s everyone’s favourite Golden Rod of course, and where do you shove it? The C3-Plug can tell you….. That’s no moon!
If that’s not enough, why not go full on Dark Side, with the six-piece Dark Side Bondage Kit, which includes a rather familiar-looking Laser Sword Flogger, and a Space Station Ball Gag.
All of these make Leia’s Slave Girl costume look tame by comparison.
So… who’s your weapon of choice? Remember. Adventure. Excitement. A Jedi craves not these things.
Passion and love mean little to the Baroness. No man can ever be her master. Where there’s terror to be sown and coin earned, that’s where she will be with guns akimbo.